Barbie Syndrome (the art of giving)

Christmas, it has been said (repeatedly) is a time to cherish the moments with our loved ones. A time to reflect and count our blessings, not our misfortunes. Admittedly, that can be easier said then done for some. Also, as the old cliché goes, a time to give. In a follow up to that, it has also been said "That it is better to give then receive".

Nothing could be more truthful then that. It is something I have come to enjoy (giving) but it is also something I have learned truly requires a level of skillful ingenuity. It is, to some degree, an art form.

Things I have learned about giving is this:

1.) Do not give under compulsion or some form of obligation. That is not giving from the heart with a genuine love for the recipient. It is rather given out of an attitude of "Well, they are family/close friend and therefore it would be rude of me not to get them anything" Give with sincerity because you are truly thinking of that person during this time of year.

2.) Taste. When someone has crossed your mind that you want to give to consider the things that are a reflection of who they are. NOT what your tastes for them might be. What are THEIR tastes. After all, you are not buying the gift for you, you are buying for them. Hence the title of this article.

For example, this year, knowing my boys tastes, we showered them with all kinds of Star Wars space ships and figurines. Why? Because we know that these things define their likes/tastes. It is a gift that we took great pleasure in giving because we knew it would light up their faces. We bought those with them in mind (not us) and we looked forward to the joy we get just watching their responses and the looks on their faces.

How would this have turned out though, if we decided to buy them Barbie dolls? It begs the question, why buy a gift for someone (at all) when it would never get used or played with?

Personally speaking, I am a better "giver" then I am a recipient. My tastes are simple and yet stubbornly complicated. If someone is stumped on what to buy for me as a gift then really, I would be more blessed just to have some quality time with them and sincerely mean it when I say "Don't worry about giving some thing material, your time is also a gift". I think of last year when I had Christmas with my in-laws. It was one of the best times I had as I discovered how much I just enjoyed hanging out with them. I could have cared less if I received a material gift.

This has more meaning then receiving a gift that I may never wear, spend, use, or otherwise. An example (Hypothetical as this did not actually happen) when a "giver" who knows my tastes and wants to purchase clothing for me also knows that a "Harley Davidson" emblem somewhere on that article of clothing will get it worn out by next Christmas. If the "giver" buy's me a turtle neck sweater, I gratefully receive it....and then I stick it in the closet until the moths eat it. Why? Because that is not my flavor. So remember the "Barbie syndrome" when giving.

3.) UNLESS otherwise stated on a "wish list", avoid buying someone's "Needs". Most people spend the other 364 days of the year purchasing their personal "needs" thru out the year on things such as socks, undergarments, body hygiene accessories, etc. Which leaves them little or nothing to buy the things they "want". They avoid buying themselves these little "treats" of self indulgent "wants" in order that their "needs" or necessities of life are met. So when the giver then gives that gift that the recipient denied themselves all year long in order to accommodate their "needs" it truly makes it that much more special.

So STAY AWAY from sock giving. It makes the statement "I really did not put a lot of thought into it". That is not to be taken as an encouragement for ungratefulness. I am gearing this writing towards the "Giver" remember?

Have you ever had those moments where you received a gift and in your inner most thoughts your thinking to yourself "When the giver spotted this item, what the H*** made them think of me?" I know, it sounds harsh but really, why purchase something for someone when they already have enough of said item or it is an item they would never use? Better off not getting them anything at all. Otherwise they are stuck with something they may feel obligated to hang on to.

SO that is my reflective piece for the final installment of the year 2007. Do your best to avoid Barbie syndrome when thinking of that someone special. Remember their tastes. If they like electronics and gadgets, don't get them gift cards to La Senza. If they like chocolate, don't buy them vanilla. If they like Hockey don't buy them tickets to a figure skating show. Annnndd if they like Star Wars DON'T BUY THEM BARBIES!



The best to all of you in 2008. Until next time...