What women want!

In light of the fact that I will be heading out on my long awaited vacation, I decided to step outside my usual comfort zone of political/moral debate and pen (type) something more on the lighter, but truthful side.

After all, if God did not have sense of humor..then neither would we. Sometimes we need to step out of the "Battle Arena" of ideological debate and take a moment to laugh at life, and ourselves, in agreement.

The following is one of my rare personal musings at one of God's finest creations. Women!




If it is one thing in life I have come to accept about women it is this. I will NEVER fully or completely understand these complex creatures. The answer as too why was actually not that hard to discover but rather quite simple. The reason I, or any other male for that matter, will never fully understand them is because we are NOT women!

How does one begin to comprehend astronomical estrogen levels in a human being that can lead anywhere from flying debris (pot's and pans), to outbursts of tears (for what appears, at least
to us men) apparently for no reason, to other times of unprovoked feelings of (ahem!) shall we say
...arousal? Estrogen levels that peak like a volcanoe and simmer like a sunset. I often shake my head in utter amazement and total confusion over this.

Thru many years of observation and very in-depth study thru "listening" (key in on that one guy's) and asking direct questions I have discovered that although I cannot fully understand a woman I can gain much insight and knowledge of how to successfully interact and grow in a continuous lifelong journey with the one I call my soul mate. Some things I have learned, not necessarily understood, about women are as follows:

1.) They like to be listened too BUT, they do not always want one of our analytical, self righteous logical, and whimsical responses. As men we often tend to look at every "dilemma" in life as a problem to solve or a mountain to conquer. Women do not always appreciate this approach. Sometimes they just want to be heard.

As tempting as it is gentleman we really need to bite our lips real hard and just shut up! As difficult as that can be at times, when the female has reached the end of her "outpouring" she will let out a heavy sigh of relief and thank you for "being there for her".

Without saying a word, you have just scored some major points that will payoff later :)

Of course, at the end of her outpouring, should she pose the question.."So what do you think?". You darn well better have been listening because those points you just scored will take double the effort to win back.

2.) The List. You all know this one don't you guys? It is endless and changes daily. Get use to it.

You will notice that what you do not accomplish on the list for that day WILL be revisited at a later date when it is convenient for the said "warfare" you and her are about to engage in. By the way guy's, you should already know what that list consists of without her even having to tell you.

It does seem unfair when our "list" is so much easier to apply because it consists of only two items that never change...feed us and GET NAKED!

See ladies, simple. We males creature's are an easy and simple two step maintenance plan. From our perspective, it just does not get any better then that.

3.) Another thing about the ladies, and this one is tough to grasp for us guy's, but when they just want to be held, they actually want just that. They don't always want it to lead to sex. (I know, I do not get that one either)

4.) Romance is not always a quiet dinner and a movie or a loud monster truck rally. (That is not to suggest you should never do those things, although I would ixnay on the monster truck rally). There is almost no communication in that. That is why they often want to go places where the focus is on each other. Like walks in the park or along the beach. I personally am not big on this but if love is an action then make the sacrifice.

And yes, there is pretty good chance her list will come out of those long walks. BUT as I stated earlier, the big points are scored here.

In fact you will be quite surprised just how far a single rose will get you in the points book. I don't know what it is but there is "power in the flower" that makes her look at you all dreamily like you just rode in on a stallion in your shining armor.

5.) If she tells you that she thinks she is "looking" fat, do yourself a favor and absolutely NEVER agree to this. It will take approximately 6 months to recover all your lost points and then after that you are still on a probationary period.

6.) Always remember why you chose her to be yours. When she wakes up some mornings looking like Pam Anderson WITHOUT make up be sure to tell her what a beauty queen she is in your eyes.

7.) You must know and anticipate her every need, whim, and thought. She expects this. Women have this delusion that we men have the uncanny ability to read their minds. No matter how many times or how many ways you explain to them that we do not, it still will not register with them.

Your going to have to find a way to "roll with it" and discover ways of making a "quick recovery" when the ball is dropped. Good luck gents, your on your own out there.

8.) The mind of a woman is another fascinating, intriguing, and sometimes scary thing to grasp.

In the mind of man we tend to think in "box's. You know? One thing at time. We have "problem's to fix box's", "work place box's", "friend's box's", "Toy's box's", and lot's "Sex box's" (by the way ladies, it means we are thinking about you, our spouses, a lot). We even have box's full of absolutely "Nothing" at all.

When you ask the question..."dear, what are you thinking about right now?" and we respond "Nothing". That is because we really are thinking about nothing!

Unlike the mind of a man I have discovered that women think along the lines of "noodles". Their thoughts and emotions are crossing over, overlapping, and intertwining constantly. Not only that but they are capable of having more then one thought at a time. In fact, they can be known to have as many as six to seven things rolling around their pretty little brains...ALL AT THE SAME TIME! That is incredible.

It would also explain those awkward moments of intimacy when you think she's havin a rather enjoyable time and decides to do blurt out the grocery list???

Beware men as these "noodles" are hard to keep up with but it can be done. That is why it is crucial to listen intently. You will notice how in a conversation how they tend to "jump" a noodle. The end of their conversation had absolutely nothing at all to do with the beginning of it but somehow to them it all ties in. Do your best to keep up to it and do not bother trying to understand it. You won't.

9.) Multi-tasking. See above explanation for how their brain functions. This also explains why they are better at it. The down side to it is, like we think they should always want to have sex, they think we should be quite capable of doing 14 things all at one time while planning out the other 23 in our heads as we work.

10.) When you tell her you love her, look into her eyes and not the ground (coward). Caress her hair, stroke her shoulders, hold her, and pretend that you do not want to have sex. But mean the things you say and do.

Gentleman, just follow these easy 10 step guides to "possibly comprehending" the complexities of a woman and you will have a fulfilling life of going to bed full and naked.

I am off for now. When I get back from my vacation, I shall return to my regular entries of slaughtering the political correct and the ideologies of our secularized and so very tolerant society. I will also be sure to offend by proclaiming the supremacy of Jesus Christ as Lord, Savior, and King.

Until next time...